On Gratitude
Sometimes I have a hard time deciding what to write about (and sometimes I don't) and I was trying to figure out why this morning. I realized it's because I have such a profound sense of gratitude about almost all aspects of my life. Most potential topics include some sort of negative, that is being explored, solved, analyzed, etc. I am blessed to have so many positives surrounding me. I'm not going to list them because it's not a contest. I also know that no reader wants to hear about how lucky I am.
But along with these positive feelings, I have a constant anxiety that something terrible is going to happen. Waiting for the other shoe to drop you might say. It's just too much to consider that things could continue going well. During my pregnancy with Claire this absolutely consumed me. I stayed awake all night furiously counting her kicks, sure that something was wrong. Why would I be allowed to have three healthy kids when I see so many others struggling with infertility and miscarriage or fighting other battles? I still ask myself that question (as usual, with no answers). My mantra for that time period was:
As my last post suggested, I used a few strategies to help compartmentalize my fear and put it into perspective. I reminded myself of other families who had three children. I looked at all the adults around the world who survived their childhoods without tragedy. I will say though, this fear is barely held at bay, and I purposely do not read any news about tragedies involving children for fear of it blowing up into a full fledged anxiety again.
My other strategy for dealing with this "other shoe to drop" anxiety, is to constantly reassure myself of my ability to cope with anything that comes my way. If for some reason something negative in my life happened, I know that this never takes away all the happiness and positive times I have had to this point. Keep in mind this could be a small negative change too, not just necessarily something tragic.
Of course, I don't want any of these things to happen, and I get nervous that even by thinking of them I am inviting them. I also know that is not true, but it's tough. Thoughts become action after all. So the final answer is back to the first thing I wrote, which is staying PRESENT and being GRATEFUL, for things as they are today. Being prepared is great, planning is great, but the truth is you literally know nothing about tomorrow. So today and every day my mantra is to stay in a spirit of gratitude and act as if there is always going to be enough. If one day there is not, I will deal with it then.
Thoughts for the day....
But along with these positive feelings, I have a constant anxiety that something terrible is going to happen. Waiting for the other shoe to drop you might say. It's just too much to consider that things could continue going well. During my pregnancy with Claire this absolutely consumed me. I stayed awake all night furiously counting her kicks, sure that something was wrong. Why would I be allowed to have three healthy kids when I see so many others struggling with infertility and miscarriage or fighting other battles? I still ask myself that question (as usual, with no answers). My mantra for that time period was:
THINK ABOUT WHAT COULD GO RIGHT
As my last post suggested, I used a few strategies to help compartmentalize my fear and put it into perspective. I reminded myself of other families who had three children. I looked at all the adults around the world who survived their childhoods without tragedy. I will say though, this fear is barely held at bay, and I purposely do not read any news about tragedies involving children for fear of it blowing up into a full fledged anxiety again.
My other strategy for dealing with this "other shoe to drop" anxiety, is to constantly reassure myself of my ability to cope with anything that comes my way. If for some reason something negative in my life happened, I know that this never takes away all the happiness and positive times I have had to this point. Keep in mind this could be a small negative change too, not just necessarily something tragic.
Of course, I don't want any of these things to happen, and I get nervous that even by thinking of them I am inviting them. I also know that is not true, but it's tough. Thoughts become action after all. So the final answer is back to the first thing I wrote, which is staying PRESENT and being GRATEFUL, for things as they are today. Being prepared is great, planning is great, but the truth is you literally know nothing about tomorrow. So today and every day my mantra is to stay in a spirit of gratitude and act as if there is always going to be enough. If one day there is not, I will deal with it then.
Thoughts for the day....
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