On Wednesdays We Wear Pink
If you look around at the people you interact with day to day, why is it that some of them you are always curious as to what they are going to wear, say and do but other people you basically ignore? How does a person evaluate their own social standing? It seems to come down to a number of obvious standards. Beauty standards, wealth standards, success standards and more play into our version of where we fall into rank. Of course the real question is - why would any of this matter? (It doesn't - I know, I know.)
Although many of us, myself included, preach that kindness and grace are sought after traits, it is clear that society does not move those people to the top of the social totem pole. Just watch Mean Girls if you want to see whether bullying or kindness leads to popularity. Intelligence is another trait we would all say we desire, and smarter people do tend to attract other smart people, but the smartest is not usually the most popular. Honesty, another coveted trait, same story.
What does it mean to be popular anyway? For most people, inclusion is what they are seeking - which is a form of popularity. If someone is trying to get a group together - would they think to include me? If the answer is no, many people, especially women, try to figure out what they could do differently to be included the next time around. Maybe if I bought this dress, went to that yoga class, started wearing lipstick, took my kids to a different school, went out to eat at a different place with my husband and on and on with the nonsense. We all know that those things aren't important and I honestly don't think people set out to make others jealous with their choices. But, inevitably we look around at what others are doing and wonder if that would make us feel more included, which we have determined would make us happier.
We are all trying to be the best versions of ourselves, and from a social standpoint, this can take us in a lot of directions. As we deal with life's insecurities and anxieties, we use material items, judgmental attitudes and gossipy behavior to take the focus off ourselves and our shortcomings and project them on to someone else. Watch the interactions of teenage girls and it's obvious that many things that are said and done are a coping mechanism for their own insecurities and immaturity. As we mature, we'd like to think we outgrow that but it just takes on a new manifestation, comparing husbands, houses, cars, children, shoes, weekend plans, vacations, etc.
It's unrealistic to think this societal infrastructure is going to go away. We all seek companionship and use this hierarchy to attempt to find people we will have commonalities with. We also want people we feel comfortable around. We also want people who challenge us and bring fun into our lives. In many ways, it is possible to have different friends for these different purposes. We also want to be these people for others. I want to be the person someone calls when they are crying and need help. I want to be the person someone calls when they want to have fun at a party. Is it possible for me to be both of these things?
No answers here today. I know I can be gossipy and judgmental myself. I know I look at others and wonder what it's like inside their lives. I do also hope others see me as kind and honest as well. I really do love many, many people and want to be there for them in their lives. I think the best thing to do is focus on myself and my family, always trying to make the right choice for them.
All that hard work will make it even harder to justify the magnetic lashes I bought today ;)
Thoughts for the day....
Although many of us, myself included, preach that kindness and grace are sought after traits, it is clear that society does not move those people to the top of the social totem pole. Just watch Mean Girls if you want to see whether bullying or kindness leads to popularity. Intelligence is another trait we would all say we desire, and smarter people do tend to attract other smart people, but the smartest is not usually the most popular. Honesty, another coveted trait, same story.
What does it mean to be popular anyway? For most people, inclusion is what they are seeking - which is a form of popularity. If someone is trying to get a group together - would they think to include me? If the answer is no, many people, especially women, try to figure out what they could do differently to be included the next time around. Maybe if I bought this dress, went to that yoga class, started wearing lipstick, took my kids to a different school, went out to eat at a different place with my husband and on and on with the nonsense. We all know that those things aren't important and I honestly don't think people set out to make others jealous with their choices. But, inevitably we look around at what others are doing and wonder if that would make us feel more included, which we have determined would make us happier.
We are all trying to be the best versions of ourselves, and from a social standpoint, this can take us in a lot of directions. As we deal with life's insecurities and anxieties, we use material items, judgmental attitudes and gossipy behavior to take the focus off ourselves and our shortcomings and project them on to someone else. Watch the interactions of teenage girls and it's obvious that many things that are said and done are a coping mechanism for their own insecurities and immaturity. As we mature, we'd like to think we outgrow that but it just takes on a new manifestation, comparing husbands, houses, cars, children, shoes, weekend plans, vacations, etc.
It's unrealistic to think this societal infrastructure is going to go away. We all seek companionship and use this hierarchy to attempt to find people we will have commonalities with. We also want people we feel comfortable around. We also want people who challenge us and bring fun into our lives. In many ways, it is possible to have different friends for these different purposes. We also want to be these people for others. I want to be the person someone calls when they are crying and need help. I want to be the person someone calls when they want to have fun at a party. Is it possible for me to be both of these things?
No answers here today. I know I can be gossipy and judgmental myself. I know I look at others and wonder what it's like inside their lives. I do also hope others see me as kind and honest as well. I really do love many, many people and want to be there for them in their lives. I think the best thing to do is focus on myself and my family, always trying to make the right choice for them.
All that hard work will make it even harder to justify the magnetic lashes I bought today ;)
Thoughts for the day....
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