Coping With Jealousy
I live a charmed life, but in this world of keeping up with the Jones' (Kardashians?) it is easy to find more things to want, more experiences to have and more feelings you assume other people are feeling. Like many others, I would love to jet set around the world seeing new things, experiencing new cultures and making memories. Of course, I'd like to do this with an unlimited budget, a husband who doesn't have to be at work most days of the week and children who are angels in any situation.
In talking with a friend a couple years ago, she said, I really would like one trip a year with just my little family, one with just my husband and one with my extended family, is that too much to ask! I understand exactly where she is coming from. Each of those is a different, and fun, experience and it's hard to choose or prioritize when you can't have them all. For most people, they let others dictate their travel schedule - what do we have to do this year, and then is there any time or money left for anything else?
My husband is not a traveler per se. He doesn't suffer from wanderlust, he rarely feels like he is missing out. He does not see the allure of dragging three children and all their stuff thousands of miles away so they can fight in a different state and eat the same foods with a different view. He also has a job that requires him to be here the majority of the time. I understand his points (I guess) and have other friends who are just like him, so I know that point of view isn't unique. But it's not my point of view. Give me all the places to go and see and do!!
Currently, our best friends are on some beach in Costa Rica in the sun. I imagine they are calmly lounging around, walking in the sand and enjoying cocktails around a pool. They have three children with them so the reality might be a little different (more crying), but for my jealous mind it looks something like that. I have another best friend on vacation in Belize. She's bike riding, betting on chickens, experiencing culture - giving me more things to miss out on. So, because of them, I've allowed myself to spend at least an hour today being super jealous of their day versus my day. But, now it's time to come down from that peak.
All of this boils down to one core reality, that I touched upon in the first line I wrote. It is the idea that "other people" are having different family experiences, different feelings, a more real human experience than I am. Are other people experiencing life more fully than I am? Does everyone connect as a family on a deep level every day? Do people have better relationships in their lives than I do? These comparisons are where we start to harm ourselves. Because the answer is no. Sure, this week someone else may be bonding with a friend, making a memory with a child, or strengthening their family circle. But next week they may be working late again, going in twenty different directions, falling asleep without any real conversation for the day, or going to the grocery store yet again. The mundane, the tedious and the daily grind exist for pretty much everyone I know. We choose to see those features when we look at our own life, but the highlight reel when we look at someone else's.
So, how do you cope? Back to square one with gratitude. I am thankful that I have been to Costa Rica before, how lucky I am. I am thankful that I have a husband that has a great job, because it affords us many luxuries and opportunities, and ironically enough, provides a lot of interesting and fun travel for us both. I am thankful that my friends are able to have those opportunities, because I want others to have good things in their life that fulfill them as well. I am thankful for my three healthy kids that keep me busy here with gingerbread houses, donuts with dad, and trips to see my parents this weekend. Their enthusiasm every day makes the mundane seem a little more fun. Maybe today we will get our swimsuits on and pretend we are at the beach in the bathtub, just to make some memories of our own.
Thoughts of the day....
In talking with a friend a couple years ago, she said, I really would like one trip a year with just my little family, one with just my husband and one with my extended family, is that too much to ask! I understand exactly where she is coming from. Each of those is a different, and fun, experience and it's hard to choose or prioritize when you can't have them all. For most people, they let others dictate their travel schedule - what do we have to do this year, and then is there any time or money left for anything else?
My husband is not a traveler per se. He doesn't suffer from wanderlust, he rarely feels like he is missing out. He does not see the allure of dragging three children and all their stuff thousands of miles away so they can fight in a different state and eat the same foods with a different view. He also has a job that requires him to be here the majority of the time. I understand his points (I guess) and have other friends who are just like him, so I know that point of view isn't unique. But it's not my point of view. Give me all the places to go and see and do!!
Currently, our best friends are on some beach in Costa Rica in the sun. I imagine they are calmly lounging around, walking in the sand and enjoying cocktails around a pool. They have three children with them so the reality might be a little different (more crying), but for my jealous mind it looks something like that. I have another best friend on vacation in Belize. She's bike riding, betting on chickens, experiencing culture - giving me more things to miss out on. So, because of them, I've allowed myself to spend at least an hour today being super jealous of their day versus my day. But, now it's time to come down from that peak.
All of this boils down to one core reality, that I touched upon in the first line I wrote. It is the idea that "other people" are having different family experiences, different feelings, a more real human experience than I am. Are other people experiencing life more fully than I am? Does everyone connect as a family on a deep level every day? Do people have better relationships in their lives than I do? These comparisons are where we start to harm ourselves. Because the answer is no. Sure, this week someone else may be bonding with a friend, making a memory with a child, or strengthening their family circle. But next week they may be working late again, going in twenty different directions, falling asleep without any real conversation for the day, or going to the grocery store yet again. The mundane, the tedious and the daily grind exist for pretty much everyone I know. We choose to see those features when we look at our own life, but the highlight reel when we look at someone else's.
So, how do you cope? Back to square one with gratitude. I am thankful that I have been to Costa Rica before, how lucky I am. I am thankful that I have a husband that has a great job, because it affords us many luxuries and opportunities, and ironically enough, provides a lot of interesting and fun travel for us both. I am thankful that my friends are able to have those opportunities, because I want others to have good things in their life that fulfill them as well. I am thankful for my three healthy kids that keep me busy here with gingerbread houses, donuts with dad, and trips to see my parents this weekend. Their enthusiasm every day makes the mundane seem a little more fun. Maybe today we will get our swimsuits on and pretend we are at the beach in the bathtub, just to make some memories of our own.
Thoughts of the day....
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