Triggering Insecurities
I've taken a lot of different personality type assessments at my jobs over the years and I love them because I think it is so interesting that people are just innately different. In one particular assessment I scored rather unemotional on the scale of emotional-ness. I'm sure some people would agree - I'm fairly decisive and logical, tend to be practical in my judgement of things. But it does make me laugh a little because I am far from even-keeled; I can barely even handle my emotions.
It comes up most when I am faced with any sort of conflict, or potential conflict. For example, I cry at almost every performance review or formal meeting with management of any kind. Mind you, I typically am told that I am doing a good job, but I can't keep it together. Every time I have a new manager they are shocked by this kleenex fest in their office because it seems like surprising behavior to them.
My poor husband has to deal with the brunt of it. I cannot discuss any serious matter, even if we agree, without crying. If, because we are two different people, we do not agree, I definitely am always in tears which is very frustrating to him. I'm just a sensitive flower I guess.
What I am learning is that this rush of emotion is just insecurities of mine peeping their head to the surface. A psychologist would probably tell you a mix of personality and childhood creates the way in which we see the world, and forms our insecurities that we fight on a daily basis.
Usually these insecurities, which everyone has, stem from feelings of not being good enough. Am I worthy? Is my family? Are my children? And of course, the answer is yes, you are enough and so am I. What's interesting is that it doesn't take anyone saying anything mean to incite these feelings. It is the perception that someone could be implying it.
So, what to do? Well, I feel like I'm promoting a 12 step program here, but the first step is seeing the problem. Is someone actively making you feel like you are not enough? Probably not. And if not, move to step two. But if the answer is yes, you have two choices: address it or accept it. Maybe it's not worth your energy to broach the topic, especially if that person isn't particularly close to you. Maybe you should talk about it and the other person will understand how you are feeling. Maybe you should accept that two people can have different opinions. Each situation will be a little different.
Step two, spend some time reflecting on what EXACTLY triggered such a strong response from you. Get below the initial thing that made you upset and dig up WHY it made you upset. Be truthful about what you actually think, even if you feel that thinking that thought it's wrong. You are just talking to yourself after all.
Step three, commit to a new way to deal with those feelings when they pop up again. Think of a way to articulate your feelings. Once you can articulate a fear, it generally becomes much, much smaller. Things only seem big and scary when we don't know what they are.
All of this emotional labor will pay off - not because it helps anyone else, but because one day you will look back and realize it's been awhile since you overreacted, said something you didn't mean, or snapped at someone for a silly reason.
Thoughts of the day...
It comes up most when I am faced with any sort of conflict, or potential conflict. For example, I cry at almost every performance review or formal meeting with management of any kind. Mind you, I typically am told that I am doing a good job, but I can't keep it together. Every time I have a new manager they are shocked by this kleenex fest in their office because it seems like surprising behavior to them.
My poor husband has to deal with the brunt of it. I cannot discuss any serious matter, even if we agree, without crying. If, because we are two different people, we do not agree, I definitely am always in tears which is very frustrating to him. I'm just a sensitive flower I guess.
What I am learning is that this rush of emotion is just insecurities of mine peeping their head to the surface. A psychologist would probably tell you a mix of personality and childhood creates the way in which we see the world, and forms our insecurities that we fight on a daily basis.
Usually these insecurities, which everyone has, stem from feelings of not being good enough. Am I worthy? Is my family? Are my children? And of course, the answer is yes, you are enough and so am I. What's interesting is that it doesn't take anyone saying anything mean to incite these feelings. It is the perception that someone could be implying it.
So, what to do? Well, I feel like I'm promoting a 12 step program here, but the first step is seeing the problem. Is someone actively making you feel like you are not enough? Probably not. And if not, move to step two. But if the answer is yes, you have two choices: address it or accept it. Maybe it's not worth your energy to broach the topic, especially if that person isn't particularly close to you. Maybe you should talk about it and the other person will understand how you are feeling. Maybe you should accept that two people can have different opinions. Each situation will be a little different.
Step two, spend some time reflecting on what EXACTLY triggered such a strong response from you. Get below the initial thing that made you upset and dig up WHY it made you upset. Be truthful about what you actually think, even if you feel that thinking that thought it's wrong. You are just talking to yourself after all.
Step three, commit to a new way to deal with those feelings when they pop up again. Think of a way to articulate your feelings. Once you can articulate a fear, it generally becomes much, much smaller. Things only seem big and scary when we don't know what they are.
All of this emotional labor will pay off - not because it helps anyone else, but because one day you will look back and realize it's been awhile since you overreacted, said something you didn't mean, or snapped at someone for a silly reason.
Thoughts of the day...
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