Pest Control for Your Thoughts

I wrote my previous post to explore my thoughts and feelings on the tensions we are faced within society today, because I have a lot of thoughts and feelings.  As I mentioned, I often see both sides of topics. I will say, however, that I don't agree with white supremacy, and am troubled by its recent rise to the spot light. There are no two sides to that statement. I am trying to find a way to learn and grow, and through this public writing, help others learn and grow in self-awareness as to how we all got here.

Again, referring to my previous post, I don't think the answer is to shout at others to "stop thinking that way."  We know that doesn't work.  So what is the solution? I think awareness and understanding of others is the only way to bridge the gap between people. This starts at the individual level, with a person acknowledging and being aware of thoughts and feelings that make them uncomfortable. 

So here is where it gets tough, reader, how do we systematically notice when we are having thoughts, reactions, feelings, and assumptions that jump to conclusions or support stereotypes about people who are different than us - typically race, but also gender, orientation, etc. ?

I will give you an honest example from the other day.  I called the pest control company because I was tired of clearing constant spiderwebs off my porch and out of my basement.  A nice lady answered and I explained to her my problem, to which she responded, "Ooh girl, you had me at spiders! No way we can let that go on at your house - I just cannot deal with that!  You give me a minute and we will get that all taken care of!"  Perfect, I thought. But I also had another thought, I think this woman who answered the phone is black.  It was just something about the tone of her voice and how she phrased her words.  This was an innocent thought.  I didn't think anything negative about her doing her job, although I did tease her about working at a pest control company with a hatred of spiders.  We laughed, she scheduled my appointment and I went on with my day but what I am saying here, is how often do we make these small assumptions on a daily basis?  

This particular thought I had wasn't negative, but why did I even have it at all? What did it matter what she looked like? How did that help or hurt me to judge this woman and her small impact on my life.  Now take this miniature example and blow it up, how many of these unseen and ignored judgements do we make on a daily basis about every single individual we see on the news, read about, meet in person, etc.  How are they helping or hurting or views of entire sections of the population?

There are several other easy and obvious ways to test your bias. Bias is simply a preference or a favoritism for one thing over another.  It is often nuanced and not obvious, a product of your subconscious.  People also typically have preferences for things they view to be like themselves.  You can see where this can be an issue in trying to mend racial divides in the country.  

Here is an exercise. Imagine calling a CEO of a corporation. Who do you picture on the other end of the phone? Take it a step further - what are your opinions on their ability to run successful businesses and have successful families?  

Now imagine calling the owner of a nail salon? Answer the same two questions.  What about the owner of a restaurant? Are the people you are picturing different? Are the answers to the questions different?  

Self awareness is where growth happens.  The other day, because I had been determined to be more aware of my own bias, I over analyzed a simple call with the bug company.  But, it led me to here, which is hopefully a more thorough and helpful analysis of how race affects us all day to day and how we can take small steps in our own communities to be more mindful of our thoughts and how they shape our interactions with others.