The Case for Low Expectations
I am almost finished reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and am planning on reviewing it and my main takeaways in another post. It has made me more mindful of my happiness over the past two weeks and has also motivated me to continue blogging, as I have found it is an activity that boosts my happiness and sense of accomplishment.
As I have been pondering my happiness, I have found that most of my disappointments are not because something goes wrong. They are usually because something goes differently than I had expected it to. I like to go out to eat with my family. Sometimes though, the kids are wild, the food takes forever and no one participates in an actual conversation. I end up frustrated, snappy and disappointed. I lecture everyone involved for their inability to just have a nice night out. In reality, it's just that it didn't go the way I expected it to. The days of calm, three hour dinners are on hold for me for awhile with three kids five and under. What would happen, I thought, if I just had different expectations?
My sister in law and I were laughing the other day because her husband told her he would be home early from work. He was, but not as early as he had told her. She was frustrated because she made a plan for the day based on him being home when he said he would, and felt that it was ruined because he was late. It wasn't ruined in actuality; they still did all the things they were planning on doing, but it was different than she envisioned it. I noted, and she agreed, how funny it was that if he had said he was going to be late that day it would have been no big deal. It was only because of her expectation that he would be home at a certain time, and then wasn't.
With a husband in the car business, I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I have expected him to be done with work at a certain time, only to be looking at the clock 15, 30, 45 minutes later wondering what happened. Now that it has been 8 years, I have learned to just do things when I want to do them. I let him know if I need him to be somewhere by a certain time, but other than that I keep the schedule how I want it. I lowered my expectations and it has taken some pressure off of both of us.
But this isn't about people being late. It's about all of our expectations: expecting a friend to think to invite you somewhere, expecting a child to sit quietly while you shop, expecting family members to behave as you command (usually in your head). It is important to remember that the world does not revolve around our perfect vision. The people in our life have their own visions that they are fulfilling.
I have been told more than once "I can't read your mind!" It is often said in exasperation because I am complaining that an experience did not live up to the version in my head. It would be hard for it to since I never told anyone! I have two choices in this predicament, either dictate to everyone in my life exactly how they should act, speak and think (unlikely), or loosen up my expectations on how things should go. This includes: conversations and interactions, time with my husband and kids, work life, school mom life, extended family, free time, everything!
As a result, to increase my happiness, I am being mindful of ways to purposefully lower my expectations and expect less out of each day. Even though this sounds backwards, I think I will actually find more joy in each day. It won't be in the places I was expecting, but in new and surprising ways.
Thoughts for the day...
As I have been pondering my happiness, I have found that most of my disappointments are not because something goes wrong. They are usually because something goes differently than I had expected it to. I like to go out to eat with my family. Sometimes though, the kids are wild, the food takes forever and no one participates in an actual conversation. I end up frustrated, snappy and disappointed. I lecture everyone involved for their inability to just have a nice night out. In reality, it's just that it didn't go the way I expected it to. The days of calm, three hour dinners are on hold for me for awhile with three kids five and under. What would happen, I thought, if I just had different expectations?
My sister in law and I were laughing the other day because her husband told her he would be home early from work. He was, but not as early as he had told her. She was frustrated because she made a plan for the day based on him being home when he said he would, and felt that it was ruined because he was late. It wasn't ruined in actuality; they still did all the things they were planning on doing, but it was different than she envisioned it. I noted, and she agreed, how funny it was that if he had said he was going to be late that day it would have been no big deal. It was only because of her expectation that he would be home at a certain time, and then wasn't.
With a husband in the car business, I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I have expected him to be done with work at a certain time, only to be looking at the clock 15, 30, 45 minutes later wondering what happened. Now that it has been 8 years, I have learned to just do things when I want to do them. I let him know if I need him to be somewhere by a certain time, but other than that I keep the schedule how I want it. I lowered my expectations and it has taken some pressure off of both of us.
But this isn't about people being late. It's about all of our expectations: expecting a friend to think to invite you somewhere, expecting a child to sit quietly while you shop, expecting family members to behave as you command (usually in your head). It is important to remember that the world does not revolve around our perfect vision. The people in our life have their own visions that they are fulfilling.
I have been told more than once "I can't read your mind!" It is often said in exasperation because I am complaining that an experience did not live up to the version in my head. It would be hard for it to since I never told anyone! I have two choices in this predicament, either dictate to everyone in my life exactly how they should act, speak and think (unlikely), or loosen up my expectations on how things should go. This includes: conversations and interactions, time with my husband and kids, work life, school mom life, extended family, free time, everything!
Thoughts for the day...
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