What to Do When You Think Something Is Important
We've all had it happen. We change our schedule around, put time, effort and thought into something, and people around us are completely indifferent, or cancel last minute. Nothing can feed your insecurities faster than caring about something more than the people it affects care about it.
Maybe you did a good deed for someone, who didn't seem to care. Maybe you rearranged your schedule to show up for something, only to realize that other people chose to skip it with no ramifications. Possibly you organized an event that had poor attendance. You could have extended an invite to a new friend, who turned you down in favor of something else. Have you ever made a choice based on what you think would make someone else happy, and they choose to do something else anyway?
These scenarios happen daily. Your priorities don't always align with others. You may be focused on someone or something, but others don't have the capabilities to give the same focus back. This could be because they are physically battling something. More likely they are mentally battling the same stresses we all do - feelings of anxiety, being overwhelmed, and pulled in many directions. They are learning to prioritize their time and energy too. Unfortunately, they had different priorities than you.
How do you work through this?
1. Recognize that their priorities can be different than yours, and it doesn't make yours wrong. Perhaps, during this week or season of life, you have more time and energy to devote to this interest, event, organization or person. Others are working on making the best choices for themselves and their families - and it is OK if these choices are not the best for you.
2. Recognize that your values may be different than others. For example, I value dependability. If I say I will be somewhere or do something, I will. At times this has meant leaving sick kids with babysitters, working late in to the night, rearranging my schedule, or otherwise inconveniencing myself and my family. For some people, these actions would go against a closely held value. For me, being seen as a dependable, loyal person is something I have a hard time going against. Again, it is OK if someone else has different values than you.
3. Be sure that you are committed to your cause. Did you prioritize this person, organization or event out of guilt, pity or sense of obligation? You should be using your valuable time and talents on things you choose to support. Regardless of other people's choices, be sure you are firm in your commitment to things you are working on.
4. Now that you've had time to reflect on who YOU are and what YOU want, give others the benefit of the doubt. You don't know what factors influenced their decision. You don't know their priorities and values are. When contemplating others actions, always assume the best scenario. Most people are trying their best. Even if your wrong, what harm is there in believing the best?
5. Be the bigger person. Invite someone again. Volunteer again. Give support again. We are a world of imperfect humans, and being too quick to react is a detriment to our communities. Give others grace and be generous with your support. In all likelihood, the next time around may go differently.
Only you have the power to choose your reaction.
Make adjustments to your commitments based on your priorities and values, not others. Always choose the next right thing for you.
Thoughts of the day...
Maybe you did a good deed for someone, who didn't seem to care. Maybe you rearranged your schedule to show up for something, only to realize that other people chose to skip it with no ramifications. Possibly you organized an event that had poor attendance. You could have extended an invite to a new friend, who turned you down in favor of something else. Have you ever made a choice based on what you think would make someone else happy, and they choose to do something else anyway?
These scenarios happen daily. Your priorities don't always align with others. You may be focused on someone or something, but others don't have the capabilities to give the same focus back. This could be because they are physically battling something. More likely they are mentally battling the same stresses we all do - feelings of anxiety, being overwhelmed, and pulled in many directions. They are learning to prioritize their time and energy too. Unfortunately, they had different priorities than you.
How do you work through this?
1. Recognize that their priorities can be different than yours, and it doesn't make yours wrong. Perhaps, during this week or season of life, you have more time and energy to devote to this interest, event, organization or person. Others are working on making the best choices for themselves and their families - and it is OK if these choices are not the best for you.
2. Recognize that your values may be different than others. For example, I value dependability. If I say I will be somewhere or do something, I will. At times this has meant leaving sick kids with babysitters, working late in to the night, rearranging my schedule, or otherwise inconveniencing myself and my family. For some people, these actions would go against a closely held value. For me, being seen as a dependable, loyal person is something I have a hard time going against. Again, it is OK if someone else has different values than you.
3. Be sure that you are committed to your cause. Did you prioritize this person, organization or event out of guilt, pity or sense of obligation? You should be using your valuable time and talents on things you choose to support. Regardless of other people's choices, be sure you are firm in your commitment to things you are working on.
4. Now that you've had time to reflect on who YOU are and what YOU want, give others the benefit of the doubt. You don't know what factors influenced their decision. You don't know their priorities and values are. When contemplating others actions, always assume the best scenario. Most people are trying their best. Even if your wrong, what harm is there in believing the best?
5. Be the bigger person. Invite someone again. Volunteer again. Give support again. We are a world of imperfect humans, and being too quick to react is a detriment to our communities. Give others grace and be generous with your support. In all likelihood, the next time around may go differently.
Only you have the power to choose your reaction.
Make adjustments to your commitments based on your priorities and values, not others. Always choose the next right thing for you.
Thoughts of the day...
Comments
Post a Comment